Communication Station!

Kamusta! Maligayan pagbabalik sa Kunzler Kronicles! Ngayon ay pinag-uusapan natin ang tungkol sa komunikasyon! Malamang na hindi mo ito mabasa. Kung nababasa mo ito, magkomento ka sa ibaba! 

Unless you speak Tagalog you would not be able to really understand what I said above. You may have understood around 2-4 things. To start off, what is communication? Communication is getting a thought or idea from one person or place to another person or place. You need a type of medium to help convey that message. A medium in this instance would be either writing, speaking, or even drawing. To be understood (or understand) you need to communicate in a way everyone understands.

Did you know that your communication is more then just your words? There is a whole lot more to communication than WHAT you say, it's also HOW you say it! When speaking to another person you have to take into account your words, your tone, and your nonverbal cues (i.e. body language, what you are doing, how you look, etc.). Did you know that it is the unspoken things that convey your message best?  Your words are only a small part of the message that is received through speaking. There have been different studies done and the percentages  . Your words 14% + your tone 35% + your non-verbal cues = 100% of your communication. Then this would be the other persons job to add all of that up and then determine what you are going to say. If you notice texting is only about 14% of total communication! You are missing most of effective communication! This is partly why emojis for texting became a thing.

Because not all communication is interpreted correctly and not all of it is nice, what can we do to become better communicators? There is a thing called The 5 Secrets (or steps) of Effective Communication. These five secrets or steps do not have to be used in the order that I will share but if you would like to use them as steps or "checkpoints" that works just as well!.  These steps are split up into three groups which is called the E.A.R. technique.  

Now what does E.A.R. stand for? E- Empathy, A- Assertiveness, and R- Respect. In order to be an effective communicator then you need to have empathy for those you are talking with. You also need to be assertive in how you are feeling or what you are trying to say. Also, you will need to have and to show respect by what you say as well as how you say it for the person you are talking with.

Empathy: 

1. "The disarming technique" -  During this step you look at what they are saying and find truth in what they are saying. Even if it seems unreasonable or unfair. This is probably one of the hardest steps. Just look at what they said and find something that is true about what they said, it does not mean you have to 100% agree with it. 

2. "Empathy" - Try to put yourself in the other persons shoes, feel how they are feeling, see the world with their eyes. Paraphrase what they said back to them to make sure that you understand (make sure to sound respectful when you do so!). Also try to acknowledge how they are feeling based off of what they said.

3. "Inquiry" - Ask gentle, probing questions to learn more about what the other person is thinking and feeling. Do your best to ask in a way that does not come across as offensive.

Assertiveness: 

4. "The I feel Statements" - Express your own ideas and feelings in a direct, tactful manner. Use statements like "I feel frustrated when....". You can also use the following model:

"When __(insert event, circumstance, or situation)___ happened, I feel/felt ___(insert emotion)____ because ____(insert thoughts)____. I would like ___(insert your request)____."

Do not use "you statements" i.e. " you make me feel worthless" or "you are wrong."

Respect:

5. "The Stroking Technique" - Convey an attitude of respect even if you feel frustrated or angry with the other person. Find something genuinely positive to say to the other person, even in the heat of battle. This does not mean you need to agree with what they are saying or doing. But it does mean you need to be nice.

So go out and be better communicators! Use these 5 steps to help yourself understand and be understood! It takes practice but you can do it! Thank you for reading and as always fee free to comment or ask questions!